Becoming a New Wife

No, I'm not getting a new husband. However, my husband is getting a new wife. Let me explain...

JC and I will celebrate seven years of marriage in July. They have been pretty hard years. No, we haven't seen too much calamity but our relationship, and therefore our home, has been a pretty wild roller coaster ride.

I have not been a good wife.

God is moving some mountains for JC!

I think God has been slowly changing me since the beginning of our marriage. One of the first big helpers was a "Bible" study I did with my dear friends Amanda and Barbie in 2006/2007. We read The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian.

The next book that I read was Created to Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl. I read this book and met with my dear friend Chasity to discuss it. I can't remember exactly but I think we read through this book in 2009. We didn't finish the book but I learned a lot from what we read. I cannot say that I agree with everything in this book but I did glean Godly information from it.

Well, those books were good and helpful but marriage still wasn't good, much less great. JC & I aren't big fighters (well, JC isn't!) but we could go weeks without spending time together, enjoying each other. I have always been a pretty moody, opinionated, ambitious and even domineering and demanding. It even got a little worse when I quit taking antidepressants when we decided to have more children.

Maybe a month or two ago I seem to hit bottom. I felt hopeless in our marriage. I didn't think it ever would or could get better. I felt like a failure. I felt like I was a disappointment to God and even that our marriage ruined our witness to others. I reached out to a few of my dear friends and asked for prayer. I specifically asked for myself with grace, love and kindness, humility and submission.

See, I knew that I was not giving JC grace. And because I wasn't extending grace, I was unable to love him and to show him kindness. My heart had grown hard. I was very prideful. I wanted to be served. I wanted JC to do things for me. I was not being humble. I sure wasn't being submissive. Submissive and humble are not traits someone would describe me as.

It was in February that I started searching out scriptures on humility and grace. 2 Chronicles 7:14, Ephesians 4:2, Proverbs 3:34, 1 Peter 5:5-6, James 4:6, 10. I got out the concordance and looked up these words. I read more: Proverbs 11:2, Philippians 2:3-4, 14, Colossians 3:12-14, Titus 3:1-2.

I set about realigning my priorities with God's word. At this point, I was probably my first priority and then my kids. I hate to admit that and probably wouldn't but it is true. "My time" on the computer and other such projects that I enjoyed came first, then spending time with the kids and making sure they were taken care of came next. Then, probably, was spending time with God, being a home keeper and last of all being a wife.

When comparing these to God's word, I knew before even studying that I was wrong. My priorities should be to God, to my husband (Gen 2:20, Eph 5:22, 1 Pet 3:1-6), to my children (Deut 4:9, 6:6-7) managing the home and then all those other things (Titus 2:5, 3:14, Prov 31).

In March, God showed me to (1) quiet my mouthy mouth (2) serve, using Jesus as my model (3) do not complain, even in my thoughts! (4) be slow to anger. Jam 1:19-20, Eph 5:4. And the merciful will be shown mercy; Hos 6:6, Matt 9:13, Micah 6:6-8, Eze 36:25-27. To do any of these things I should watch & pray so that I do not fall into temptation, because I am weak (Matt 26:41).

February through maybe mid-April were tough months in our house. I knew God was working on me but it was very painful. It meant I had to look at my sins. I didn't think I was sinning. I had convinced myself that I wasn't. Struggling, maybe. But God laid it on my heart that if I know what I'm supposed to do and do not do it, I AM sinning. James 4:17

So, what next? What does submission look like? As a wife, how do I please God? I felt lost. I felt as if to please God, I couldn't be ME. This sent me into a little bout of depression. But God is good and He brought to me friends and resources to learn more. He brought me Titus women; through friends and through media. Here are some things that have helped me most recently:

Prayers for Emotional Wholeness, A Daily Reflection by Stormie Omartian
Liberated Through Submission (a Revive Our Hearts Radio Series w/Nancy Leigh Demoss)
Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge
Passionate Housewives Desperate for God by Jennie Chancey and Stacy McDonald
The ministry of Time-Warp Wife

I've learned so much from each of these resources. I've learned that rebellion is like the sin of witchcraft. Wow. (1 Sam 15:23)

I have learned that I needed to "carefully analyze [my] thinking and cautiously choose the books [I] read, blogs [I] visit and teachers from whom [I] choose to learn." (Passionate Housewives Desperate for God / Colossians 2:8)

I have learned that submission and humility don't make me less of a person or less valuable. But they do make our home a happier place for everyone.

I've also learned...
-I cannot submit to my husband unless I trust God.
-I still get my priorities screwed up and I need to review them often.
-I am not perfect. I am a sinner. I am thankful for God's grace and forgiveness, and JC's.
-I still get moody sometimes but I am learning to set boundaries for myself and others. I can also combat moodiness with good sleep, healthy eating and spending time with God.
-I am still opinionated. But with God's help, I am learning (1) to keep a lot of my opinions to myself and (2) to share my opinion with JC without demands or "punishment" if JC doesn't agree with me.
-I still have so much to learn and grow. I am thankful that God will continue to work in me. I am thankful for God's redeeming love that says I am His, despite my sins.

Why do I share this with you? Because I want to "tell you what [God has] done to bring restoration into my life". I want you to know the "freedom I now experience and will experience in my soul in the future." I want to be a "testimony to the wholeness [God has] for those who follow [Him]." (Prayers for emotional wholeness by Omartian)

Today, I love JC more than I ever have. I look forward to our time together. I look forward to finding ways to make his life better and pleasing him and in such, pleasing God.

Come and hear, all you who fear God, and I will declare what He has done for my soul. ~Psalm 66:16

11 Months Old!

Update: Cait weighs in at 17 pounds and she measures 27.5" tall. I also forgot to mention her most spoken word is dadadaddada. :) She occassionally says mama, when she really wants me. She also yells something that sounds like bubba and kitty as well and those words seem to correspond to either brothers or cats.

She's my Sugar Bear. AKA Baby Cait, Caitie, Sister and sometimes even Stinker. She's just too stinkin' cute!
She took her first steps Monday. Three days before 11 months. They are still tentative and infrequent but I'm sure that won't be for long. She has two bottom teeth and two top teeth now. {Her top teeth broke through today!}She has begun to eat very well. She prefers real food to baby food. Her favorites seem to be black olives, mac & cheese and pickles. She prefers these things to peas for sure!

She loves to push her baby in the stroller. She likes to brush her hair. She makes kisses, but doesn't want to actually kiss anyone. She looks so pretty in dresses and hair bows. She knows what sound guns make and she loves to climb.

(JC & I both just LOVE this picture-above)She knows how to do things to make us laugh and she even makes herself laugh. She is a happy baby {as long as she isn't confined for too long!}

Ten on Ten

Tuttle America's Tiger Safari

We finally made it to the Tiger Safari in Tuttle this past Saturday. It was an early celebration for JC's birthday with Margaret & Richard. Cait was ready to wave "hi" to some animals! There were lots of pretty birds and several of the spoke to us!

I'll be honest, I was surprised at what a great park it was! We spent two hours looking at, feeding and even holding animals {well, some of us}. Below, you can see Cameron feeding animal crackers to deer and JC wrestling Godzilla. Really. That's his name.

JC also played peek-a-boo with these cute lemurs. It was delightful to watch! The tigers were amazing. I can't recall but there were maybe 7 of them. Maybe more. The youngest was around one. It was hot so most of them just laid around but a couple came up to the fence to great us. Or just to pee.

Aren't my boys so cute?! And we learned that Brendan is a bear whisperer. Who knew?! He talked to this great big grizzly bear and it responded to him by standing up, slapping the fence, sticking his nose through the fence and snorting. We're glad he didn't charge Brendan. He seemed a little scary.

And here are MY wild animals...

Here's one of the pretty white tigers. You can actually see this guy from the parking lot when you arrive and then again near the end of the tour.

The last thing before going into the office area was their feeding area. We were able to feed goat or two, a pig, some llamas. The llama spit on Margaret. She didn't think it was funny. They were aggressive little eaters though.

Inside, Cameron & JC held the California King snake.

And I forgot to mention, they brought out a covered, 8 seater golf cart for us to drive around the park. That was nice because it was a hot, sun-shiny day! We had such a great day. I think we would all recommend this outing!

Crafting, mostly

I haven't had lots of crafty time in the last year but this week I had fun making baby gifts. I embroidered these super soft burp cloths and then made lots of hair clips.

The gray clip above & below right was adjusted from THIS blog. Cait was a wonderful model for me!

I also tried my hand at making hooded towels using this blog and this one. I also want you to see how good Baby Cait is standing these days! {Don't forget you can get a better view of any picture by clicking on it!}

Cait is a busy girl these days. She's a good climber and a fast crawler. The second picture below is of her banging on Bren's door! She wants in the forbidden room!

These brown & blue hair clips are felt, like the gray ones but I embroidered the blue felt. I also made a brown flower and played around with the orange flower type. (as a side note: cats like to play with felt. They have stolen several of these things. Little boogers.)

Growing up

Brendan seems to be growing up a lot this year. First his booth at the convention; I saw hard work, dedication, commitment, sacrifice and his ability to handle disappointment when it comes.

Monday I took Brendan to his first interview. You might remember last year, when Brendan went through a 2 week Aviation Course at OU. This year, Brendan decided he would like to work as a volunteer with the younger kids in this course. His interview was Monday and it brought a lot of change in my heart. He hasn't been a baby in a LONG time but he sure is becoming a man fast! Today we learned he was accepted as a "staff intern" and he will begin his training soon. I am SO proud of this young man that God has blessed our family with. I just wanted to share that with you!